Three Tier Staggered Squares Wedding Cake

I did a wedding cake this weekend.  Wedding cakes freak me out.  They have to be as close to flawless as possible and I don’t do flawless work.  I prefer the cakes that have to look like something else.  The kind that, if I mess up, I can cover up the mistake with a fondant flower or some other random decoration.  Anyway, this one was pretty simple.

Three square tiers with ribbons around the bottom.  Impossible to mess up, right?

Psht.  Right.

busy bakerThe first cake I baked stuck in the pan.  When I tried to turn it out, it came out in a million tiny pieces.  I said some choice words, cried a little, gave the mess to 5 very happy children, and made another one.  It turned out perfectly, as did the next 4.  In all, I made 6 pound cakes, but only used 5 of them for this cake.

Then I cut them into squares, as I don’t have square pans.  Again, more remnants for the cake monsters.  They ate cake for breakfast for 3 days.  I won major Awesome Mom points for that.

I made 14 cups of buttercream icing (thank God for KitchenAid mixers!), iced them, put dowel rods in them (to keep cake from collapsing,) iced them again, and stacked the suckers. Then, I spent 1 hour, applying scotch tape to the back of ribbon so the grease/butter from the icing wouldn’t bleed through.  That was FUN.  *eye roll*

I attached the ribbon and went to bed.

The next morning, I got up, got myself and 5 kids ready for a wedding and loaded them and the cake into the car.  I hate driving with cakes in the car.  I just know somebody will rear-end me and cake will fly everywhere and the poor bride will be left with no wedding cake.  I drive very slowly, turn corners at a snail’s pace, and tick off drivers every time I deliver a cake.

Anyway, I got it there in tact and on time.   Here it is.

staggered squares with ribbon wedding cake

Not much to it, but it’s at least relatively smooth.  Not smooth enough (my cakes never are) but I did the best I could.  It tasted good, or so I’m told.  I’m dieting and can’t eat it.  Bummer, huh?

This little baby packs some major calories/carbs/fat or whatever else you’re not supposed to have while dieting.  Here’s the rundown.

  • 14 sticks of butter (cake and icing)
  • 15 cups of granulated sugar (cake)
  • 28 cups of powdered sugar (icing)
  • 15 cups flour (cake)
  • 30 eggs (cake)
  • 7 cups Crisco (icing)

I think I gained 15 lbs. just by typing that.

Related Posts:

Wedding Cakes
My Cake Hobby 
Let Them Eat Cake 
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Wedding Cakes

Daily Foglifter:  The Royal Wedding cake had 900 sugar-paste flowers and the Groom’s Cake used 35 lbs. of chocolate.

So I watched the Royal Wedding.  I wasn’t going to.  In fact, I was going to make a point of NOT watching since I was tired of hearing about it.  I’m not English, I’m not especially interested in weddings, and I’m not keen on the idea of getting up at ungodly hours to watch television.  I’d made up my mind.  Until I started reading a bunch of blogs and discussion forums about it.  Everybody was looking forward to it.  So I bowed to the peer pressure and I watched it.  It was beautiful.  The church, the dress, the music–all of it.  I was so caught up in it that I took my kids to school almost an hour late.  I had to see the kiss on the balcony, right?  I’d watched the entire thing and I was going to miss that so my kids could get some learnin’?  Not happening.

Despite my reluctance to watch the wedding, there was always one aspect of the whole thing I simply had to see.  The cake.  I could only imagine how beautiful and intricate it would be.  I was not disappointed.

8 Tiered Masterpiece

Royal Wedding Cake Top View

An added bonus! Prince William had a groom’s cake!

Prince William's Grooms Cake--Chocolate Perfection

Coincidentally, I made a wedding cake this week. It wasn’t anything like the perfect specimen above, but it was an entirely different kind of wedding.  Much more laid back and informal, as you can see by the cake.

Ball and Chain Wedding Cake

Yes, that is a ball and chain.  I love it.

Perhaps you are wondering how one would make such a super awesome cake topper.  Well, you’re in luck!  Here’s how!

First, you have to decide if you want a cake or a rice crispy treat sculpture.  For the sake of stability, rice crispy treats are more practical.  A ball cake weighs a lot more and I had to drive the cake to the venue, which was an hour away, in a car with my five kids.  Definitely rice crispy treats.

Then, follow the directions on any marshmallow bag or Rice Crispy cereal to make the treats.

Rice Crispy Treats

Then, you shape it into a ball, as tightly packed as possible.

Rice Crispy Treat Ball

Stick it in the refrigerator to harden, remove, and ice with buttercream icing.

Iced Rice Crispy Ball

The next step is to roll out black fondant. This doesn’t look very appetizing, but it is delicious!  It’s dark chocolate fondant and it is heavenly.

Dark Chocolate Black Fondant Rolled Out

Then, cover the rice crispy ball.

Rice Crispy Ball Covered in Black Fondant

Now we have the basic ball, it’s time to do the chain links. Do this by rolling pieces of black fondant into ropes and cutting uniform pieces.

Black Fondant Ropes

Link these pieces together, with the ends lightly brushed with water or fondant adhesive to make the fondant pieces stick together.

Ball and Chain Links

Add a hand-crafted fondant manacle, and there you have it!

Ball and Chain Cake Topper

Later this week, I get to make another cake. I’ve gotten a lot of business lately and in addition to bringing in a little extra income to feed my ravenous children, I don’t have to think of new subject matter for The Blog. Life is sweet.

Affianced  –Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.”  ~Ambrose Bierce from “Devil’s Dictionary.”