Oh my. It’s finally here. Summer break. 11 glorious weeks of staying home with my 5 loud and obnoxious children, refereeing their fights, cooking their food, cleaning up their messes, trying desperately to find ways to entertain them, knowing deep down in my heart that if they ever organized an uprising against me, I’d be toast, and trying to hide my fear behind a scowl and a mom-shriek that would give the mythical banshee a run for her money.
I’m starting to rethink the idea that summer break is a good thing.
I’m kidding. Of course it’s a good thing. For a lot of reasons.
1. I don’t have to wear a hair net.
2. I can wear earrings, a necklace, my wedding ring. Jewelry isn’t something I feel I have to have, but when somebody tells me I can’t, I want to. Because I’m basically 12. Or is it because I’m a woman? You can tell me in the comments which you think it is.
3. I don’t have to put my hair in a bun. Or a ponytail. I will, of course, because I live in Georgia and my hair is down to the middle of my back and I really don’t want to spend the summer with hair sticking to my neck and face and passing out from the heat. But wearing my hair down is still an option if I want to garner some sympathy and maybe a day in the bed, resting, after I faint dead away in the middle of my kitchen while screaming at my husband and kids the age-old question, “What’s for dinner?” Coincidentally, the ONLY question that they don’t know the answer to.
4. No scrubs. Scrubs are comfortable. Unless they’re at least 2 sizes too big and make you feel like a big shapeless blob. Also, if they come in colors like carnation pink (Pepto Bismol) and yellow (Big Bird.) So embarrassing.
Hmmm. I see a trend here. Everything is related to appearance. I swear, I’m not that girl. I wear jeans all the time–even to church. But when you look like a lunch lady every day for 9 months, the glamorous side of you (even if it’s the size of a pinhead) starts screaming to get out. Luckily for me, my glamorous side is appeased by a pair of stud earrings and sparkly flip-flops.
5. I still have to serve kids lunch and clean up after them all day, but when one of them asks, “Can you take the crust off my sandwich?” or “Chicken nuggets again?!” I can smack them.
6. Not waking up at 5:30 AM, screaming at kids to get out of bed, searching desperately for matching socks or the mysterious missing one shoe (they wear two at a time and presumably take them off at the same time so how do they end up on opposite sides of the house?) and being able to sit and have that all-important first (or 5th) cup of coffee and playing stupid FB games for 2 hours, until you’ve had time to wake up properly.
7. I don’t have to wear a hair net.
Wait. Didn’t I already say that?