Click The Button

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Blog.  The word sounded like a bodily noise.  Its actual definition was just as bad.

BLOG: a Web site that contains an online personal journal (Merriam-Webster)

I kept a journal as a teenager.  Melodramatic ramblings about boys and mean girls, my uncool parents, and some really bad poetry.  I didn’t want to read anyone else’s journal, why would they want to read mine? 

I had no idea how to start a blog, so I Googled it.  The amount of information was mind-boggling.  I narrowed the search, “Where to start a free blog.”  I eeny-meeny-miny-moed my way to a free blogging platform, picked a name, agreed to terms and conditions I didn’t read, and voilà–I had a weblog up and running.

I wrote the first post–short and to the point.  I said who I was and what I was going to blog about.  It was just the sort of post all the blogging experts I found via Google said my first post should be.  It was perfect.  All I had to do was click the ‘publish’ button.

I hovered my mouse over the button.

Nobody cares what a stay-at-home mom to 5 kids has to say.

Click the button.

You’re going to embarrass yourself.

Click it.

Nobody will ever read it.

Just click it.

You never follow through with anything.

Click…

———————————————————————–

I wrote this post for the following Write On Edge RemebeRED writing prompt.

In “On Writing” Stephen King wrote, “The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better.”

Write a memoir post – first-person and true – inspired by that statement.

Starting a blog was easy.  Writing was easy.  The sharing part?  Not so much.  Clicking that publish button was hard.  For weeks, clicking that button sent me into a near nervous break-down.  It got easier.  It’s been almost 9 months since my first blog post but there are still days when my mouse hesitates above that button.

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57 thoughts on “Click The Button

  1. Me too! Oh, man, can I ever relate to this post. It’s scary putting yourself out there like that, isn’t it? And yeah, when you think of it as being an actual online journal, that makes it even scarier. Thank goodness our writing topics have improved since our teenage days, huh?

    Great post! I’ve definitely been there myself with hesitating over that publish button.

    • I read on Twitter the other day that posting is like “putting your heart on display.” I wish I could remember who said it. It struck a chord with me, for sure.

  2. I also googled the subject at the beginning of this year, and I found it mind bloggling lol!
    I especially like the line in your post “Because I am special.” This is so difficult for many of us, because all it takes is for one person to dismiss us as irrelevant and all that insecurity comes rushing back.

  3. Awesome. I’ve always thought “blog” was a particularly ugly word, too. 🙂 We’ve come a long way in this blogging thing! Yesterday I saw someone talking about blog fatigue…

    • I went through that, but I called it Blog Burnout. I’m a much different blogger than I was in the beginning. Sometimes, I’m glad. Sometimes, I wish I had some of the early “fire in the belly.” Know what I mean?

  4. I bet a lot of us feel that way, thinking what if people find this post stupid or as you said, what if nobody reads it. I definitely still “hesitate”, especially on the posts that push the limits with bad words and other such sauciness! And I read my posts over and over and over and over and over and over… and over… and over just once more… and then over just maybe one more time. I guess that’s my way of hesitating. Then I wait and wait and wait and wait for that first comment that says, hey great post! And suddenly all the anxiety goes away. I don’t have a good answer why we feel that way and I wonder do professional writers and columnists have those same feelings?

    • Now that’s just crazy. You are so great. It never occurs to me that the bloggers I love and admire struggle with insecurity. That’s absurd, I suppose. I’ve never met a 100% confident person, and if I did, I have a feeling I wouldn’t love or admire them for it.

      I’m guessing even the professionals have their moments of doubt.

  5. Me too! metoometoometoo! Omgoodness, it was terrifying. And still is. Every post. Not only that, but I had no idea what I was doing. Google saved my butt.
    If your fears are my fears too, then, for me, it makes it all worth it that you post it. Because we aren’t alone.

    • I have a few early posts that embarrass me, too. I’ve considered deleting them, but I think it’s important to see the progression from bad blogger to okay blogger, to (dare I say) great blogger?

      That’s another thing that struck me in Stephen King’s book. He emphasized the need to practice A LOT (reading AND writing). Sometimes, I think readers assume successful writers don’t put in the work. Shame on us.

    • I considered anonymity. Sometimes, I wish I had gone that route. There’s always the “my family is reading” censor whispering in the back of my brain when I blog. Usually, I just say, “so what” and get on with it.

  6. With the unimaginable outrageousness I’m constantly writing about, I do a lot of hovering. A lot of editing and revising and a lot of questioning whether or not anything I’m ever doing makes sense. It’s good to know I’m not alone…at least with the hovering.

  7. I did the same! Google was my education. Sometimes youtube. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. And it was terrifying. Still is! But without hearing other people’s fears, I would feel pretty alone. So I, for one, am glad you did it. Are doing it!

  8. Wow. This post was perfectly timed for me 🙂 I have just started my blog a month ago and although I’ve performed all my life, I am finding it terrifying to put this “artwork” out there! I’ve almost quit 17 times, and everytime I think I may, I get a message that says to keep going in one form or another. Your post was that for me today. Thank you. I love what you have to say and how you say it. Thank you, thank you, for writing.

    • No problem, Motherfog. We’ve all felt like quitting. Keep at it. I’m sorry I haven’t been to your blog yet. I’ll get there in the next day or two. I’ve been so busy!

  9. It’s funny because when I started blogging (almost 5 years ago – eek!) I wasn’t even thinking about anyone reading except my mom and some friends. It’s a WHOLE different world now.

    Glad you’re here and glad you kept clicking and keep posting. Nice to “meet” you! 🙂

    • Family and friends are certainly a more encouraging audience. They have to be–loyalty and all that. It is a different ballgame when the world at large is involved.

      Nice to meet you, too.

  10. Well, I’m very glad you hit that “publish” button 🙂 It can be difficult to put certain things out there, but the community is definitely worth it 🙂

  11. One small step for man (kind of), one giant leap for Momfog! At least you are getting your blogs out, along with everything else you have to do which makes it hard for lazy sods like me . . .

  12. Oh wow. How I can relate to this. That evil “publish” button. I am glad you clicked it though (and continue to click it) because I really enjoy your blog. One of my favorites!

  13. I got over the initial hovering by thinking “nobody reads this anyway”. Then people started reading and I made some really great connections and that helped. People I know in real life still don’t read my blog…

  14. For me it’s not so much the publish button itself. But I have to read all of my posts 1000 times to make sure they’re ok first (maybe that’s kind of similar afterall). That’s a good way to spend hours of time that I could be reading other blogs…

  15. Boy am I glad you clicked that button!
    😉
    It really is hard putting yourself out there the way we do, and I hope that you have learned that there a lot of people who like to read what a mom of 5 has to say.

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