Dial 9-1-1. We Have a Fashion Emergency.

I’ve never been what one would call stylish.  I “dress up” for church, anniversaries, dining out, etc. but at home it is (or was)  strictly yoga pants and a t-shirt.  Shoot, I even wore them to the grocery store.  It was okay because yoga pants and a t-shirt are kind of the official uniform of the stay-at-home-mom.  I also didn’t mind wearing the hair in the messy bun/ponytail.  All. The. Time.  Now that I’m a lunch lady and it’s my only option, not so much.

Now I don’t go about in yoga pants but I’ve traded one uniform for another.  Now it’s scrubs that are two sizes too big for me.  Nobody told me I was supposed to go smaller for the things.  I don’t wear make-up as it would melt off with the sweat.  My glasses are always dirty, foggy with steam, and sliding down my nose.  I limp because I have hematoma on the bottom of my foot.  Add to that black, non-skid tennis shoes and a hair net and you’ve got a big, sloppy, limping, hot mess.

Did I mention that this week Mount Vesuvius erupted on my face?  And that I got a Cindy Crawford-esque beauty pimple to go along with it?  Acne was bad enough as a teenager.  But now?  What is that all about?

I’ve noticed that Molly has stopped coming over to see me when she goes through the lunch line.  It’s probably because it’s not new anymore.  But I can’t help wondering if it’s because I’m a little embarrassing.  I’m embarrassed of myself.

What am I supposed to do about it?  The scrubs, shoes, and hair net can’t be helped.  I’ve also ordered contacts and decided to start wearing eyeliner.  Beyond that, I’m clueless.  Does anyone know of some super make-up that won’t slide off my face?  Some cute hairstyles that will fit under a hair net?

I need help!  Surely, I’m not destined to look like this for the next 8 months?

See that mole? That's where Mt. Vesuvius resides on my face.


38 thoughts on “Dial 9-1-1. We Have a Fashion Emergency.

  1. Hee hee! I love the pic!!! As far as make-up goes, try some mineral powder for your foundation. It is a loose powder that gives you coverage but is not able to “slide” off when you get sweaty. As for the hair…..good luck with that is all I have to say!! Maybe you can google “hairnets” and they would have some fashionable ones…LOL.

    • Actually, I was thinking about getting one of those hair nets that are actually FOR styling hair. Crazy concept, but I like the idea of having some hair down on my neck. The ones we have at work are cheap and too weak to support all my hair.

      The mineral powder is a good idea. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that!

  2. I had similar issues – it’s a hormonal change that hits everyone (yes even after 30!). I went to my dermatologist and he recommended antibiotics and nightly application of Epiduo. It has worked great for me.
    For make-up I swear by Lancome Teint Miracle. Yes it’s a bit expensive but it gives this velvety dewy finish to your skin that is awesome!

  3. It reminds me of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, they tried so hard to make her look terrible when she was Working in her Families Greek Restaurant. And then made her look better once she was Dating the guy. Take yourself out after work when you can, Dressing up after work can help you leave the day behind. It does seem to me that there is make up that doesn’t come off from sweat, but these people that already replied can probably help you more than I could. I don’t wear make up myself 😀 Not since Shakespeare in the Park. And Tights too.


    • I am going to start bringing a change of clothes to work with me. Getting out of the uniform (that’s usually spotted with instant mashed potatoes, spaghetti sauce, or gravy) will do wonders.

      You don’t wear make-up? Not even a little (or a lot) of eyeliner or black nail polish? 🙂

      • Nope, but I’ve definitely known people that have, and probably still do. The Cure live on, lol… Actually, I think one of my sister’s still does, and she’s older than me


        • Yeah, I’m not into that whole Robert Smith look. Or maybe it’s the Billy Joe Armstrong look these days? Whatever. I’m happy to hear you’re eyeliner free. 🙂

  4. I use the mineral powder (and I sweat like crazy here in Florida with my hot flashes). It seems to hold up pretty well. Can you take the scrubs in? If you can tailor them to flatter you would be good, but too big is not. The hair, I can’t help with.
    It really pisses me off when I get a zit and a hot flash in the same week. That is Just. Not. Right.
    I love the picture.

    • Aside from the mustache, it’s not that different from me. 🙂 Well, I’m going to go out and get some mineral powder this weekend. It’s certainly worth a shot.

  5. Hey we have something in common, we both work at elementary schools! I get Mt. Vesuviuses all the time. It stinks. Not from sweating over food though, from letting those kids with their dirty hands touch my face. Gross…………………………

  6. maybe you can spruce up the white top with something fun. You know how nurses used to always wear white, but now they have fun designs on their smock tops.

    • We have a different color uniform for every day. Carnation pink, aqua, yellow (ugh), royal blue, and red. They’re the only thing we’re allowed to wear. I wish we could buy the cute scrub tops, though.

  7. On the mineral makeup front.. I highly reccomend Bare Minerals. It is fabulous stuff! It’s a little pricey, but worth it. They also have what called “mineral veil'” that is a finishing power that is great! They have some pretty good deals on QVC most of the time.. They just had a show today so they have a bunch of kits on sale. Oh, and their new skincare line is amazing! And I don’t work there or anything.. I’ve been a BE (Bare Escentuals) girl for 8 years.. I don’t wear anything else!

  8. No advice, I only wear yoga pants, no makeup and my hair in a ponytail. But I can sympathize. I usually get one giant zit and it’s always parked right in the center of my face so everyone is sure to notice. Right below the crop of new gray hair. Ain’t middle age a hoot?!

    • Middle age? I’m sorry, you must be talking to someone else. No middle aged person here. 🙂

      I have no idea why the giant zits have to be where everybody can see them. The nose or right by the mouth. It’s disgusting.

  9. I am definitely not one to comment on fashion. It’s never been my forte, but I do notice that a little make up (even if it’s just mascara) brightens my eyes which in turn brightens my whole outlook and the way in which I greet the world. And, this may sound silly, but do the hairnets come in different colors? Sometimes wearing blue or pink makes all the difference! But, I must admit, i am still only wearing a sleep/nursing bra 24 hours a day so suggestions from me may not be the wisest to take…disclaimer 🙂 P.S. to all those who may read this comment…yes, she had this name before I did and is graciously allowing me to share it 🙂

    • The hairnets are plain black. I don’t know if I’m allowed to bring my own. I don’t see why not. I need to get some waterproof mascara or I’ll just end up looking like a raccoon. Thanks for the suggestions, Motherfog. 🙂

    • All out of Jack, but I did attack it with the alcohol. It’ll be gone by Monday.

      Rose facial wipes. That sounds fantastic! Alas, I can’t wear jewelry. Not even earrings, which would certainly help. The only thing I’m allowed is my wedding rings. I can’t have painted fingernails either! It’s like they want me to be hideous.

  10. Soooo funnnnnyyyyy LOL Wherever do you get time to come up with such funnies amid your busy days? Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how bloggers like you, Shonnie and Daphne (evilnymph) are so busy and yet manage to produce such great reading for us! Thank you 🙂

  11. I sympathize. I’m a heinous sweater. Sweatter? Whatever. The bare minerals didn’t work for me. Too heavy with a tendency to clump/run in my sweat. But if you have one of those stores or kiosks near you, I think they will make you up so you can try it out. I’m using covergirl/olay simply ageless now. Also mascara, waterproof. Even my lipstick tends to run off in my sweat so I spend money there- I go for Nars, Stila, or Mac (their dazzleglass lip gloss thrills me a bit too much).

    • Just when I thought I found the answer, you go and ruin it for me. Just kidding, of course. I’ll try the mineral stuff and if that doesn’t work, I may have to do with a just a little eyeliner and waterproof mascara. I’m more of a matte girl when it comes to lipstick. Lipgloss looks funny on me, for some reason. My lips weren’t made to dazzle, I guess. 😉

  12. Make-up will melt and smear, but markers are impervious to heat and sweat. A fine tip would work well as eye liner and a nice pink would be nice on the lips. You just have to pick the right shade when it comes to picking a marker foundation color. Other than that I think you look cute in the pic … hairnet and all.

    • OK, I’m not sure if you’re joking, but I’m going to assume you aren’t and make something clear. That is not a picture of me. As impressive a ‘stache as that is, I would never let any mustache of mine get that far. Fortunately, I’m not mustache prone and haven’t had to wax. Yet. But at the first sign of anything remotely close to that, the wax would be heating or tweezers would be at the ready.

  13. I was very glad to read the mo’ was not yours! 😆

    Eyeliner, in my experience, will run – you’ll have those black eyes, whatever they are called in the fashion world.

    Mineral powder is a must – I use it and it alone s far as “foundation” goes. I got that tip on a trip to Florida when it was SO humid I could NOT understand how one of the guests at a friend’s BBQ had any make-up on at all – MINERALS!!!!! Got some as soon as I got home.

    The other thing is those 24 hour lipsticks – they are great too!

    • Honestly, if I looked like that, why in the world would I post a picture? I’m far too vain for that. I even ask my facebook friends to take down any unflattering pics of me.

      My eyeliner is staying put, but if it runs I can claim I’m going for the smokey eyes you mentioned. Minerals are working fairly well, too. Lipstick is kind of a bust. I can’t smoke any time during the day and I do a lot of lip and straw chewing, lipstick is gone in a matter of minutes.

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