It’s finally here. The post you’ve all been waiting for. It’s time for the Momfog Music Awards.I want you to know that I’m taking this seriously. I am decked out in my Red Carpet Best.
- Stunning fleece pajama pants featuring smiley faces, peace signs, and hearts.
- Blue T-shirt with a spot of spaghetti sauce courtesy of this morning’s breakfast.
- Hair done in a semi-Up-do, random tendrils of hair escaping the purple scrunchy I put in my hair last night before going to bed.
- Make-up is left over from yesterday. One eye sporting the smokey eye look, a result of rubbing the left-over eyeliner and mascara in a fit of hayfever, the other completely devoid of make-up. The pop-eyed effect–it’s going to be huge!
- Let’s not forget the most important accessory of all–the footwear. White socks featuring the musical staff is appropriate, I think.
(Note: I’ve gotten a lot of comments about the socks. As a courtesy, here’s a link to wear you can order a wide variety of musical socks. Buy Music Socks! )
It’s probably a good idea to go over the criteria. Simply put: My Blog, My Rules. You will be happy to know that if you responded to What’s On Your Playlist?, you will get an award. It’s a concept I learned from Little League Baseball. You participate, you get a trophy! Yay! Everybody’s a winner! Don’t you feel
So, without further ado…
Image by FlamingText.com
Welcome to the Momfog Music Awards! (Applause) In the grand tradition of awards shows, I promise the list of awards to be long, overly generalized, and completely inadequate as it relates to the actual music preferences of actual people. It will also be boring.
I can promise there won’t be lame back-and-forths between two reluctant presenters blandly and badly reading a teleprompter. (Louder applause and some maniacal whistling and screaming.) It’ll be lame, of course, but as I’m not a celebrity and have no artistic integrity to consider, it will be less painful to witness. In fact, I’m not going to attempt to make clever segues into each award. It’s going to be a list. Maybe it will be as painful to witness? Anyway, on with the awards! (Uncomfortable spattering of applause and concerned murmerings.)
Artist in Exile Award The winner is Unga Bunga Girl. This talented poet professes to live in a cave with only The Doors and Pink Floyd to keep her company. She’s on the lookout for new music so pay her a visit and prepare to be impressed.
Independent Spirit Award For submitting people I’ve never heard of, the winner is Make Me Believe. Her choices were Jaymay and Frank Turner. She is only 15 and I’m…not, so that may explain my ignorance.
Best Comedic Performance This award goes to A Life Bewhiskered, aka Eleanor, who confessed to liking Bon Jovi and then apologized for it. As we all have our own personal “Bon Jovi,” I applaud her courage and spunk for sharing.
The Indie Lover With groups like Arcade Fire, Vampire Weekend, and Guster this award could only go to Jamie. I’ve been reluctant to admit my enjoyment of Vampire Weekend since most people I know would probably assume it’s some kind of goth freak show. It’s not. It’s fun and I like fun music.
The Most British This is actually a tie. The first co-winner is xnicc who submitted the English radio station Kerrang! The other is theianfox for his decidedly British choices of Dove, Mint Royale, and Gorillaz (a virtual band).
The Aussie Award As the only Australian participant, teamoyeniyi is the lucky winner! Of course, her patriotic choice of the first Australian Idol winner Guy Sebastian certainly qualifies her for this coveted award. Patriotism aside, she is in a fight between Love and Bureaucracy, which she documents beautifully in Love versus Goliath.
The Best Group Name With names like Arcade Fire, Gorillaz, and Jaymay it’s hard to believe there could be a more interesting name, but Idle Emma obliged with “Bowling for Soup.” Idle Emma is from Ireland and her blog is dedicated to art, poetry, and photography.
As we’ve reached the half-way point, I believe now it’s time for the obligatory Lifetime Achievement Award.
Selecting the recipient of this award was an easy task. First, he was one of the oldest to respond. Second, his description of himself as “an almost 50 year old English bloke that would gladly sell his soul for rock n roll” was by far the most passionate comment. Third, his blog is dedicated to music, in one way or another. A visitor is treated to music playing in the background while reading his poetry, which is often about music.
And the winner of the Lifetime Achievement Award is…
Be sure to visit his blog and let him know he’s won this coveted award. While you’re there check out “My Affair With Lady Stella.” I’m rather fond of that particular poem.
Imagine, if you will, Words Asunder’s grateful speech the goons in the orchestra pit won’t allow him to finish, his uncomfortable escort off stage, and the cut to commercial break, after which we’re subjected to the latest “song” from a future member of “the one-hit-wonder” club.
Glad that’s over. Back to the awards.
It’s now time for the more traditional awards.
Classic Rock/Country Award Will the lovely Tiffaney please proceed to the podium? Her particular choices were Country, REO Speedwagon, and Journey.
The Best in Classical Music The winner is Jae. She submitted the only song to fit the category: Pachelbel’s Canon in D. It’s a smart choice. It played at my wedding in lieu of Mendelssohn’s “The Wedding March” from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” although I absolutely love that one, as well.
Movie or Musical Soundtrack Although there were several soundtracks submitted (Glee and Wicked), the award goes to Breakingfreefromme for her submission of the “Once” soundtrack. Primarily because it’s a less obvious choice. My Blog, My Rules, remember?
Best Duo or Group This award is shared by three e-mail subscribers. They get this reward because they were the only three people who actually shared the same selections. The shared selections were Adele and The Zac Brown Band, in some combination. The winners are Stephanie, Mandy, and Becky. It’s important to note that while these ladies shared selections, they also differed widely in their other preferences.
Christian Rap For this unique genre, the award goes to Emily. She had a wide array of other choices but this one stuck out.
Southern Gospel On the complete opposite spectrum of Christian music were yo lovee and Mrs. Cecile, the recipients of this award. It makes sense, as both are veteran singers of Southern gospel. Also, they share another connection. Yo lovee and Mrs. Cecile’s husband currently sing in a Southern Gospel Quartet together.
Now it’s time for the Big Awards of the Night. You know, the ones you watch entire awards shows for, just so you can adamantly disagree with the winners? We all know the winners are chosen as part of a Music Industry conspiracy to boost sales. The same principle applies here. In place of “Music Industry”, place “Momfog.” In place of “sales,” place “her own agenda.”
Soulful Sharing Award Not only did the winner of this award leave answers, he left links, thereby eliminating the need for me to Google anything. He likes soul of all kinds and left two links to Jazzanova. In addition to being considerate, he has very cool taste in music. This deserving winner is Comedian Reid Price. His brilliancy didn’t stop there. He also left another link to the music of his brother, who happens to be the winner of the following award.
Best New Artist To complete the genius of Mr. Price, the link he left happens to be to a cover of the Mumford and Sons song, “The Cave.” As no one seemed to share my appreciation of the Mumford and Sons (at the time), I was stoked. I assume that people are put off by the banjo or maybe the name “Mumford and Sons” (it does sound like a funeral home or antique furniture dealer). If that’s the case, check out the Best New Artist with the completely normal name of Chad Price and rest assured that there’s no banjo in sight. It’s just Chad and a guitar and it’s very, very nice.
And now, for the Final Award of the Night. The award to end all awards. The recipient of this high honor almost didn’t make the cut. By chance, I happened to notice his post in the “Latest Posts” section of my dashboard here on WordPress only last night. To think I would’ve missed out on his sheer genius if I hadn’t glanced at the computer screen at the right moment.
The Blogger of the Millenium
The winner is The Saxton. What’s so great about The Saxton? He agrees with me, of course. He loves Mumford and Sons. He appreciates their talent, their relevance, their creative use of the banjo and the kick-drum. Unfortunately, if you try this link, it is inactive at this time. I’m assuming it’s because he couldn’t handle the sudden influx of traffic that naturally comes from this kind of exposure. If it’s for a more sinister reason, don’t tell me. I prefer to keep my illusions, thank you. (Note: Silly me had the wrong link. It should be working now)
So, there you have it. The long, irrelevant, and boring awards show that I promised. Believe it or not, I did have to make choices as to what to include and what to leave out. To see the complete list you’ll have to peruse the comments of “What’s On Your Playlist?”
I would love to go into deep philosophical discussion about how “music is the univeral language” and all that, but it seems I’ve already gone over by about an hour. The local news stations hate that. So, I’ll just end it with the customary but abrupt wave and a “Thanks everybody!” as the orchestra plays and the screen fades to black.
Disclaimer: The links to other blogs were my idea. No bloggers asked for the exposure, but I wanted to thank them for participating in my survey. Comments are not easy to come by and I hope that if you visit any of these blogs and see something you like, please let them know.
Disclaimer 2: If any of the blogs listed here prefer not to be linked to by Momfog, please let me know and I will remove the link immediately. Any such request will be confidential.