I’m Thinking of Growing a Beard…

Yesterday started off great.  The kids got to the bus stop on time.  I had showered and actually put on real clothes by 9:00 am, instead of the usual 1:30 pm.  By 10:00, I was in my car on the way to drop off the little one with a friend for the day.  I was shampooing carpets and she would have been in the way and scared of the noise.  I was also going to have lunch with my daughter at school.  It was looking to be a great day.  A day to myself (even if it was to clean) and the weather was gorgeous.  I felt better than I had in days.

I flipped down the vanity mirror to put on some lip gloss.  And then I saw it–the most horrific, mind-blowing monstrosity I’d ever seen.  I had a 1/2-inch long BLACK hair protruding from underneath my chin.  I was growing a beard.

I screamed.  It was disgusting.  How long had it been there?  Had anyone seen it?  Would there be others?  Would I have to start shaving?  What if another one grew and it was (gulp) gray?  I grabbed it between my fingernails and yanked the sucker out of there.  Then I examined my upper lip, my chin, my neck, my nose, and my ears for any sign of another one.  There was nothing.  Yet.

I suddenly felt old and disgusting and the day wasn’t so bright and cheery anymore.  An errant hair had ruined my day.

Did I mention my birthday is coming up in two weeks?  Ay caramba.


11 thoughts on “I’m Thinking of Growing a Beard…

    • I strongly trend toward exaggeration. Coincidentally, the word of the week at our house is “hyperbole.” Thought it was appropriate when I, suffering from a toothache, said, “I’m dying!”and my 5-year-old son said, very seriously and with much concern, “A toothache can KILL you?”

  1. Ahhhhhhhhh, my dear………… you are young yet! Wait until you have to check EVERY day before you leave the house. Yep, those little demons go from 0 to 1 inch overnight. Some men would love such a growth rate.

    I did do the laser hair removal thing a few years ago – think I need another few visits (but do it before those hairs go grey – yep, it doesn’t work on grey or blonde hairs!)

    I remember my Latin teacher from years ago – she shaved and by the afternoon recess bell she had a 5 o’clock shadow – I am serious.

    • I can’t imagine, especially being a teacher. Kids aren’t known for their tact and are usually very adept at making up mean nicknames for their teachers.

      I was surprised by the length of the hair because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t there the day before.

  2. Sitting here with my laptop reading your blog and laughing my head off. David (watching Ax Men) thinks I am laughing at two idiots pulling logs out of the swamp with some hugh swamp buggy.

    Your blog is SO much more entertaining than any thing on TV!

  3. Oh. My. Goodness. I just laughed way too loud for a computer lab.

    I have this obnoxious single long hair that grows right on top of my belly-button. I sincerely hope I’m not growing a beard on my ribcage!

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