This Is My Mouth On Drugs

I have been high  for about 24 hours.  No, I haven’t taken up any illicit drugs.  I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday morning and between the nitrous oxide, IV, and Percocet I have been pretty much hammered.  I am not used to it.  Aside from the times I had my babies and when my chronic back pain is too much for me to handle, the strongest thing I take is NyQuil or some Bailey’s Irish Cream in my coffee.  It’s a good thing.

I have a tendency to talk too much.  Just ask my husband.  From the time he walks in the door until he goes to bed, my mouth is going a mile a minute.  Of course it is.  Sometimes he is the only adult I’ve spoken to all day.  He puts up with it quite nicely–a lot of hmmms, uh-huhs, or he just ignores me.  It’s ok, because honestly I’m not looking for sparkling conversation, I only want to get it all out there and I rarely stop talking long enough for him to respond anyway.  I hear myself talking and think, “Shut up!  You’re driving everybody crazy!”

Then, add in drugs.  I know this is a dated reference, but do you remember the television show Blossom and her friend Six?  Well, I put Six to shame.  To make matters worse, my filter gets disconnected.  I can no longer will myself to shut up and my endeavor to use clean language is a major fail.  When I’m under the influence, my potty mouth spews wildly and I find myself apologizing to my kids, my husband, and even my mother-in-law, who happens to be a preacher’s wife.  At least I haven’t let it fly on him yet.  The subject matter is all out of whack, too.  I babble on about the dumbest stuff.  It’s especially bad when I first wake up and start in mid-sentence about something I saw on the news last night.  Chris, for the most part, ignores me. 

I didn’t take any medication this morning because I had a parent/teacher conference scheduled.  So my teeth were hurting and I was having some serious hangover issues. Aside from the headaches, shivers, and the shakes,  I am mean!  I’m talking hair-trigger temper here.  WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T FIND A PEN?  THERE ARE 1000 PENS RIGHT IN THIS DRAWER!   I JUST GAVE YOU THAT SOCK! FIND IT!  STOP TALKING!  STOP LAUGHING SO LOUD! DO YOU HAVE TO CHEW SO LOUD?  GET IN THE CAR!  That was all aimed at my kids this morning.  The news, which is always a source of annoyance, was even more so this morning.  The people, their faces, and their voices were just so stupid and irritating.  The commercials were worse.  Why does everybody have to be so skinny and wrinke-free?   Why does all commercial music sound like it comes from some demented circus?  Why does every stinkin’ sitcom commercial have to mention sex when my kids are sitting here eating their Cheerios?    Why is the entire television industry out to annoy me?  What did I ever do to them?

In short, drugs bring out the worst in me. That, along with an addictive personality, is why I have never had more than an occassional drink.  Unfortunately, I’m going to have to take the medication.  My mouth is killing me.  Hopefully it’ll be better soon and I can quit.  I really don’t feel like alienating my kids, offending my preacher/father-in-law or his wife, or being divorced by my husband.  Believe me, I wouldn’t blame him one bit.

Disclaimer:  I take no responsibility for the (in)coherency of this post.  It’s a rambling, uninteresting mess, but it’s just the drugs talking.  This time.


11 thoughts on “This Is My Mouth On Drugs

  1. Oh goodness! It could be worse . . . U could be like my mom who has NO tolerance for pain medication. She takes pain meds & she’s out for a day or 2.

    Hope U get to feeling better . . . without the drugs.

    : )

    • I thnk it’s harder on everyone else! I just feel guilty, which is kind of like a mom’s default setting anyway, right? I also go to sleep if I take too much. I try to keep it where there’s still a little pain. If I took enough to get rid of it altogether, I’d be in the bed, too. I don’t even remember leaving the dentist’s office yesterday. I got the IV and then I woke up and I was in my driveway.

  2. we should be together !!! and you reAlly should use this so your kids realisze Mom’s get sick too ~ their time to pick up on some slack jack while you hang loose on the medi-ci big mama ~ that weas on the other day ~ I can only take ONE pill at a time or I would be totally out

  3. Not to sound like the most cliche 21 year old male in the world, but I read this and think this is exactly why medicinal marijuana needs to be made legal immediately. It wouldn’t really do a whole lot to help the pain, but it’ll make you accept it and put it aside. Of course you would prepare it in a tea, so as not to further irritate your gums… Not gonna lie, that’s what I did when I got my wisdom teeth out last year. Of course I took the pain killers too. >_<

    Also it would make you talk less.

    Okay I'm gonna stop trying to convince you to do pot, I'm sure you find it very odd. 😛

    • It might make me talk less, but what I said would probably be considerably more stupid. Don’t worry, you don’t sound like a cliche AT ALL. 😉

  4. When I first read the heading, I read it as “My MONTH on drugs”. I am glad it is only your mouth affected!

    Hope you avoid the divorce and I’d recommend turning the darn TV off! I always find the voice over people in the car ads SHOUT in the USA – I do not know why.

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